Babies. They’re cute, right? But they’re also bloody hard work. In today’s post, with a little help from some other mumma’s out there, I wanted to share with you the A-Z of parenting. Not that I should need to mention this, but please take the following with a pinch of salt.
Ahhh, my least favourite “A” word. If I thought my anxiety couldn’t get any worse, all I had to do was birth a child to prove myself wrong. The constant checking the baby is breathing every five minutes through the night and the absolute stomach churning moment of your baby having a meltdown in the supermarket.. the joys.
Boob or bottle?
Now, you better be prepared for the Mum police if you’ve got a strong opinion on the latter.. or god forbid you say that “fed is best”(which FYI, just for clarity, is totally the right answer) be prepared to be bombarded with comments about how giving your baby formula is on par with feeding them rat poison. Smh.
Your best friend! Jabs? Calpol. Slight fever? Calpol. Teething? Calpol. Overtired? Calpol. Baby finally in bed? Wine.
Be prepared for a lot of poop. Mainly diarrhoea. Not just from the baby, well.. forever, but from yourself post-partum.
Everyone else knows more about your own child than you
“Oh if you hold him like this he’ll stop crying.” “Oh he’s just hungry!” “He’s just tired!” “You need to change his milk.” “I think he has a cow’s milk allergy!” Unless it’s your doctor saying these things, they’re probably wrong. Of course, people(mainly strangers) just want to pass on some wise words of wisdom, but it really does feel as though everyone knows more about your own child thank you do. Cue anxiety.
Babies fart. A lot. Especially if they’re struggling with wind up the top end too. It’s nothing you can’t handle(minus the first few farts that smell like pure sulphur) but when you’re sat in the almost silent M&S cafe and your little darling lets one rip, nine times out of ten people are going to assume that it was you, not the baby.
You’ve given birth to the most perfect, pure little human and suddenly you’re aware of all the teeny, tiny germs that might be around you, just ready to hop in to your babies mouth and give them some sort of viral infection. It’s a good job you stock bought those hand sanitiser gels with the wowcher offer.
How did the poop get that high up his back? How did he manage to end up on the other end of his cot? How does he manage to eat so much?! How does he manage to throw up so much yet still want more milk? How am I ever, ever going to be able to leave the house on time.
“Absolutely everywhere. Carpets, walls, toilet seats, windows, chairs. Basically everywhere apart from on paper!” Jo of CupOfToast
Just about coping
“So, how’re you doing?” Gladis asks, “Oh I’m brilliant, everything is perfect!” Which, in my case at least anyway, loosely translates to, “shut up Gladis. I’m only just about coping. Help.”
“As I never get time to brush it and treat it right anymore!” Katy of KatyKicker
Loads and Loads
“The amount of washing you will always have. Permanently. Forever. The washing will never end” Katie of MummyInATutu
“Something that used to happen from around 7am pre-children and now begins at 5am, if you’re lucky, once the little darlings are in your life.” Stacey of OneSmallHuman
“The place where they’ll eat everything that’s put in front of them, sleep really well, wear a sunhat without tantruming and generally make you out to be a bloody liar when you swear they’re never this angelic at home…” Siobhan of PassTheWinePlease
Remember how I said that everyone else knows your baby better than you do? Basically, this. That and the mum police. Beware of the mum police. Although they are allowed to have an opinion, you are not.
Am I talking about poop again? Yes I am. Babies poop.. a lot. Did I already say that? Be prepared to change a lot of poopy nappies and not just like, one in a day. Yup, Tyler’s current record is 5 in the space of 12 hours. FIVE.
Google is your best friend! Until you read a little too many conspiracy theory articles and discover that you, your child and everyone else that you have ever come in to contact with are dying from an incurable disease.
“There is no off switch and no one told me that! Wouldn’t have it any other way though” Sinead of SineadLatham
What is sleep..?
If you thought the newborn colic was bad.. wait until your little one starts teething. Need I say more?
Understanding your babies “cues”
So.. he cries like he’s being stabbed repeatedly in the stomach, he must be hungry! Oh wait, he’s doing that stabby screaming cry again because his nappy needs changing.. or is he tired? Screw these cues.
If you’re lucky enough to have a baby with reflux just like I do, you will be constantly changing your babies outfits, constantly changing your outfits and forever apologising to store assistants for your child throwing up on their floors.
The idea of weaning sounds simple. Buy or make some smooth puree and spoon feed small amounts to your tiny human. Well, I am laughing at myself. If you think your baby will take to weaning in an easy and mess free manner, think again my friends.
Okay so I can’t think of a word beginning with X that relates to anything remotely connected to small humans but hey, have you ever had an x-ray? They’re pretty cool. That’s something.
Years and years
The amount of time it feels since you have slept for more than two straight hours.
“Something you avoided pre-baby and yearn for post-baby!” Rachel of IllustratedTeacup
So there we have it! Can you relate to any of these things? Thank you to all of the lovely ladies that helped me in taking part in this post! Until next time.