Apologies for the tres dramatic post title, but for real, I don’t know who I am anymore.
I can give you some facts. My name is Maisie. I am 24 years old. I was born in Colchester, Essex and have moved house more times that I’ve had birthdays(probably). I can reel off pretty much any line from Mean Girls and my body is well and truly addicted to caffeine. But, who am I? (She doesn’t even go here)
In 2007 I was the moody, misunderstood teen with a crush on a boy who she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with(ahhh, teenagers.). In 2010 I was the fearless girl who took chances and made mistakes. In 2015 I was the single girl, the party girl, the eat pizza for breakfast girl. In 2017 I became a mother. All of this, and a entire 24 years worth of time, has moulded me into the person that I am this very second. The girl who is tapping away at her keyboard whilst sipping on a large glass of Sauvingon Blanc with a dash of lemonade, whilst her little boy sleeps upstairs and her fiance watches the television down stairs. I can describe to you exactly what is happening right now because it is fact. I am living it as I write this, but I couldn’t possibly tell you who I really am.
If I’m being really honest, I’ve not known who exactly it is that I am for quite some time now. I know that I am a mother, but I’m not only a mother, right? I’m still Maisie. Maisie that likes to write a lot, drink a bit too much at times and cry at Britain’s Got Talent. On my self employment documents, my term is written as “social media manager and content creator” and although that may be true, I am more than that also, right? At the weekends I make coffee for people and cut them generous slices of cake, but I’m more than just a waitress, aren’t I? I think about all of this a lot and I’m almost certain that I’m not the only one.
I think it’s easy to get lost in a certain aspect of your life and lose touch with other parts of it.
A couple of days ago I read this blog post by IssyBelleFox and was literally sat here shouting at the computer like YAS GIRL. THIS. THIS. THIS. It’s entitled “don’t call me a full-time mummy.” It’s deffo worth a read and something that I can really resonate with. Tyler is my world and although I am his mother, I am still myself and still allowed to have a life outside of mummyhood. Being a parent is part of who I am, yes, that’s a fact for me, but being a parent doesn’t define me as a human being.
For the last couple of months, I’ve felt super mixed emotions around my blog and the entire blogging world in general. I started this blog back in 2013 for a couple of reasons, but the mainly the fact that I enjoyed reading a lot of other blogs and thought, hey, why don’t I give this a go myself? I’ve always loved writing and expressing my thoughts and feelings in this way, so it seemed like a great idea. I have no regrets on my blogging journey, only that I didn’t start sooner. I still love my blog and the blogging community but it has played a huge part in not knowing who I am anymore.
Love, Maisie, I feel, has progressed naturally and grown as I have grown. It is a reflection of me as a person and where I am in life. I started it as an 18 year old girl living abroad and I’m now settled in a small town in the UK with my little family. What was once a place for style and beauty ramblings is now home to personal entries, stories in motherhood and everything in between. Sure, I still love beauty and makeup and it’s still very much a part of my life and I still incorporate style posts into my blog when I can, but I don’t feel like a “beauty and style” blogger anymore, but nor do I feel like a “parenting” blogger either.
I don’t think I would feel as pressured into knowing who it is that I am if social media, and the internet in general, weren’t around. By pressure, I just mean this as pressure that I am putting on myself to know who I am. I know that no one is asking me to tell them the answer, I just feel like I should be able to give an answer and give an answer with confidence.
Maybe I am having a bit of an identity crisis? I’ve had my moments over the years, but I feel that right now I am more unsure than ever as to who it is that I am. I’m sorry that this post doesn’t really have a conclusion and that generally it’s a bit of a word vomit, but I’d love to hear from anyone reading if you feel or have ever felt the same way that I do at the moment?