I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE

I don't know who I am anymore | Love, Maisie | www.lovemaisie.com

Apologies for the tres dramatic post title, but for real, I don’t know who I am anymore.

 

I can give you some facts. My name is Maisie. I am 24 years old. I was born in Colchester, Essex and have moved house more times that I’ve had birthdays(probably). I can reel off pretty much any line from Mean Girls and my body is well and truly addicted to caffeine. But, who am I? (She doesn’t even go here)

 

In 2007 I was the moody, misunderstood teen with a crush on a boy who she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with(ahhh, teenagers.). In 2010 I was the fearless girl who took chances and made mistakes. In 2015 I was the single girl, the party girl, the eat pizza for breakfast girl. In 2017 I became a mother. All of this, and a entire 24 years worth of time, has moulded me into the person that I am this very second. The girl who is tapping away at her keyboard whilst sipping on a large glass of Sauvingon Blanc with a dash of lemonade, whilst her little boy sleeps upstairs and her fiance watches the television down stairs. I can describe to you exactly what is happening right now because it is fact. I am living it as I write this, but I couldn’t possibly tell you who I really am.

 

If I’m being really honest, I’ve not known who exactly it is that I am for quite some time now. I know that I am a mother, but I’m not only a mother, right? I’m still Maisie. Maisie that likes to write a lot, drink a bit too much at times and cry at Britain’s Got Talent. On my self employment documents, my term is written as “social media manager and content creator” and although that may be true, I am more than that also, right? At the weekends I make coffee for people and cut them generous slices of cake, but I’m more than just a waitress, aren’t I? I think about all of this a lot and I’m almost certain that I’m not the only one.

 

I think it’s easy to get lost in a certain aspect of your life and lose touch with other parts of it.

Love, Maisie | www.lovemaisie.com

A couple of days ago I read this blog post by IssyBelleFox and was literally sat here shouting at the computer like YAS GIRL. THIS. THIS. THIS. It’s entitled “don’t call me a full-time mummy.” It’s deffo worth a read and something that I can really resonate with. Tyler is my world and although I am his mother, I am still myself and still allowed to have a life outside of mummyhood. Being a parent is part of who I am, yes, that’s a fact for me, but being a parent doesn’t define me as a human being.

 

For the last couple of months, I’ve felt super mixed emotions around my blog and the entire blogging world in general. I started this blog back in 2013 for a couple of reasons, but the mainly the fact that I enjoyed reading a lot of other blogs and thought, hey, why don’t I give this a go myself? I’ve always loved writing and expressing my thoughts and feelings in this way, so it seemed like a great idea. I have no regrets on my blogging journey, only that I didn’t start sooner. I still love my blog and the blogging community but it has played a huge part in not knowing who I am anymore.

 

Love, Maisie, I feel, has progressed naturally and grown as I have grown. It is a reflection of me as a person and where I am in life. I started it as an 18 year old girl living abroad and I’m now settled in a small town in the UK with my little family. What was once a place for style and beauty ramblings is now home to personal entries, stories in motherhood and everything in between. Sure, I still love beauty and makeup and it’s still very much a part of my life and I still incorporate style posts into my blog when I can, but I don’t feel like a “beauty and style” blogger anymore, but nor do I feel like a “parenting” blogger either.

 

I don’t think I would feel as pressured into knowing who it is that I am if social media, and the internet in general, weren’t around. By pressure, I just mean this as pressure that I am putting on myself to know who I am. I know that no one is asking me to tell them the answer, I just feel like I should be able to give an answer and give an answer with confidence.

Love, Maisie | www.lovemaisie.com

Maybe I am having a bit of an identity crisis? I’ve had my moments over the years, but I feel that right now I am more unsure than ever as to who it is that I am. I’m sorry that this post doesn’t really have a conclusion and that generally it’s a bit of a word vomit, but I’d love to hear from anyone reading if you feel or have ever felt the same way that I do at the moment?

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22 Comments

  1. Jun 8, 2018 / 12:06 pm

    I feel like this too! I started my blog as a beauty blog and now it’s a bit of parenting, food, MH, everything in between and I don’t feel like I fit anywhere niche wise really. I’ve been “Eloise’s Mum” for 8 years and “Eloise and Lily’s Mum” for the past 2 and a half and I have long forgotten who Gee is. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels like this! x

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:14 pm

      Ahh I’m sorry to hear that you feel the same! It’s a tough one isn’t it! x

  2. Jun 8, 2018 / 9:42 pm

    Totally get where your coming from. One the main reasons started my blog was bec I didn’t want to be seen as a mummy ❤️ Really good read Maisie your not just a mummy ur everything

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:14 pm

      Aww thank you so much Caz! x

  3. Jun 8, 2018 / 11:02 pm

    Oh lovely, I completely relate. I felt like this for quite some time after Noah, that I needed to be someone else other than just a mum. It felt weird to admit that being a mother wasn’t enough for me and I almost felt ashamed which is ridiculous, motherhood is a part of you but it shouldn’t consume you. Self care is definitely key.

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:12 pm

      It’s a tough time right! I feel like I’m constantly battling myself with it!! Self care time is certainly SO important! x

  4. Jun 9, 2018 / 6:27 pm

    Gosh I really hear you, especially when you talked about social media putting some pressure on you to know exactly who you are. It’s something that I’m definitely going through at the moment! I can imagine it being difficult for you because as soon as you have children, it’s hard for people to think of you other than that you’re a mother (and I’ve noticed that it’s not really the same for men which is wrong….) I guess people are still old-fashioned in that sense, and it needs to change!

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:11 pm

      That is SO true!! I mean, I’m sure a lot of men also feel similarly, but like you say it’s certainly not talked about as such!! Sorry to hear that you can feel the same though! x

  5. Michele
    Jun 9, 2018 / 6:42 pm

    Your my little girl Maisie 💕always will be xx 😊 Love You xxx

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:09 pm

      hehe love you mama x

  6. Jun 10, 2018 / 2:46 pm

    I can completely relate, I feel like once i became a mother I lost my whole identity and now almost 9 years later im slowly becoming me again.. I miss that person I once was before children and before motherhood appeared to suck my life from me. I think we all need to take the time to learn to be ourselves again x

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:09 pm

      So sorry that you can relate to this though! But glad that you are starting to rediscover yourself now though 🙂

  7. Jun 10, 2018 / 5:36 pm

    You are doing an amazing job. X

    • Maisie
      Author
      Jun 10, 2018 / 8:08 pm

      Aww thank you so much lovely! x

  8. Jun 10, 2018 / 8:37 pm

    I feel like my blog stops me feeling like this, I continued working and blogging a week post partum because I didn’t just want to be a mum and it’s allowed me to be something more than just Ru’s mum even though that’s the best thing in the world! It’s nice to have career goals and a passion for something more than parenthood I think xx

  9. Jun 10, 2018 / 9:35 pm

    Girl, I feeeel you! I get so lost and bogged down sometimes of what I should be doing etc that I totally lose myself. I panic when I think of the bigger picture so I try to take it Day by day!

  10. Jun 11, 2018 / 4:39 pm

    It’s really difficult to not feel like this sometimes isn’t it?! We grow and our blog grows and sometimes we just lose ourselves! x

  11. Jun 11, 2018 / 8:54 pm

    I lose who I am and seen to forget that I am more than ‘Elsa and Cleo’s Mummy’ it can be so hard to remember who you are x

  12. Jun 11, 2018 / 10:17 pm

    I feel like this all the time. I’m not the girl who used to go out on tour and explore the world, not the girl who would work then spend the night drinking when I finished, and not the girl who would sit and read books every time I would breathe. I’m Lisa, who tends to be 99% mum that craves parts of my old life, and parts I want it to become. Word vomit? Completely but I feel exactly the same.

  13. Jun 12, 2018 / 10:36 pm

    OH MY LORD is this me?? I know exactly how you feel, post-baby it’s so easy to lose yourself, I’ve just not quite worked out how to find myself again yet…

  14. Jun 13, 2018 / 7:31 pm

    This is so weird. I completely get where you’re coming from though. It’s an odd feeling. NoW my daughter is going to school full time soon it’s time for me to rediscover who Kelly-Anne is.

  15. Jun 14, 2018 / 9:26 pm

    It is so easy to get caught up in life, and the roles we play and forget who we are.

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